Humor Happy Hour Specials for 12/26/08

All that holiday frenzy has driven me to drink and I invite you to join me. Introducing a little experiment here at the Swizzle Stick Lounge every Friday called Humor Happy Hour. Throw back Sip your favorite cocktail and check out my menu of the funniest, cleverist, or snarkiest blog posts I've read this week.

Feeling judgmental? Rate posts in the sidebar poll by dropping olives in their glass. If someone gets a pile of olives, I'll ask them to guest bar tend here. The poll's open until next Friday. Invite your readers over to drop you an olive, perhaps?

So, without further a do, here be the Specials. Open all night. Throw peanut shells on the floor. Tips appreciated.

• William at Dead Rooster squares off with morning hair and self portrait perfection.
• LOBO at Predator Press unleashes a masterpiece and some anger management issues with 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.
• Kirsten at The Soccer Mom Files brings the sexy with a free-range reindeer.
• Chelle B, The Offended Blogger, risks both nipples every winter.
• Kathy fries bacon on top of The Junk Drawer.
• Amy contemplates Katie's situation.
• JD at I Do Things made me burple (you know, a small burp with a chaser of stomach acid often brought on by something kind of gross: burp +hurl=burple.)
• Tom Tomorrow chronicles the end of an error on Salon.

Did you read a funny post worthy of your eyeballs this week? Comment me the links for consideration on next week's Triple H menu. Don't forget to leave your olive in the sidebar! (One vote per reader.)

Bacon Flavored Vodka Makes Me Hurl

I love bacon and I love vodka, so the bacon flavored vodka was a logical, albeit trepidatious, experiment. I heard about bacon vodka on TV and was curious. I'm always up for new experiences and if you've read me before, you know I love me some cocktails. So, off to the Net I went to find a tried and true recipe. Bingo:

Makes up one pint -

• Fry three strips of bacon
• Add cooked bacon to a clean pint sized mason jar. Trim the ends of the bacon if they are too tall to fit in the jar. Or go hog wild and pile in a bunch of fried bacon scraps.
• Optional: add crushed black peppercorns.
• Fill the jar with vodka. Cap and place in a dark cupboard for at least three weeks.(No need to refrigerate.)
• At the end of the three week resting period, place the bacon vodka in the freezer to solidify the fats. Strain out the fats through a coffee filter to yield a clear filtered pale yellow bacon vodka.
• Decant into decorative bottles and enjoy.

I followed these directions with wired anticipation. The bacon smelled so good. The vodka poured so smooth. It felt freakishly blasphemous to combine the two delectables, but I pressed on, twisting the jar closed and sequestering it in my closet. The three weeks scraped by and as evidenced by the cryptic bacon sticker on my cubicle calendar, ended yesterday. Yessssss.

So last night I removed the bacon vodka jar from the hallows of my closet and just took a moment with it, alone. As it cured in my freezer, I debated whether I should share the decanting with someone special or indulge privately. I chose the latter, just me and the BV.

My first warning was the slightest brush of nausea when I removed the coffee filter coated with bacon fat. I picked it up by one side. My finger slid down and into the greasy yellow residue. Whatever. No big deal, right? I decanted and put my tumblers into my chiller set.

Finally, bacon vodka meets the Divamouth and its cocktail red carpet, my tongue. I sip and try to swirl a bit. My mind is hiccuping around the blending of vodka and bacon. I can only describe what happened next as a sort of vapor lock of the senses followed by a burning rush from my gut upwards to the back of my throat. Flashes of bacon fat danced in my head and I steadied myself on the bar. I'm sorry to tell you that a small spurt of reconstituted bacon vodka shot through my teeth and fingers and dribbled down my arm.

I am so totally dismayed at my hurling of the bacon vodka. I have read such euphoria experienced by drinkers of the potion that I really don't know what to say. Except that bacon vodka makes me hurl and maybe you, too, should proceed with caution.

Friday Night Cocktail Mix

Thank god it's time for another Friday night at the Swizzle Stick. In fact, all my vajayjay research this week makes me want to think of nothing but swizzle sticks. SNAP. Well, tonight's libation needs to be the strong, silent type. Here's what's on special:

Tonight's Featured Cocktail: The Rusty Nail

Serve: Cold in an old fashioned glass
Smash Factor: Memory Loss
Origin: Scotland, 1950s

Ingredients

• 6/10 Whiskey - Scotch
• 4/10 Drambuie

Build over ice and add a lemon twist. Spin Henry Mancini's "Pink Panther" and see what happens. See you next week at the Swizzle Stick, and subscribe. Do you think I do this for fun?

Friday Night Cocktail Mix

Happy Friday night! I'm ready to wash down a week of sins with another classic cocktail here at The Swizzle Stick lounge. Tonight, we're keeping it all in the family with an alcoholic tribute to a classic film saga.

Tonight's Featured Cocktail: The Godfather

Serve: Cold in an old fashioned glass
Smash Factor: Memory Loss
Origin: USA, 1969

Ingredients

• 7/10 Whiskey
• 3/10 Amaretto

Build over ice. After one of these you might be speaking to others in ways that you shouldn't. See you next Friday at the Swizzle Stick. Subscribe already.

Friday Night Cocktail Mix

I was born a couple decades too late, or at least pieces of me were. I like to get my party on 1950s style. Classic lounge is where it's at, cat. You can keep your crazy ass techno aneurysm music and seizure lights. Give me a dimly lit, smokey lounge or a supper club with a band and teeny lamps on every cloth covered table any day. Two things come to mind when you say lounge: martinis and velvet, everywhere. A curvy gal in a mermaid dress singing in front of a sax and men that knew exactly how to be men is my kind of night out.

In tribute to the classy days gone by, every Friday is cocktails at the Swizzle Stick here at Diva Cosmos. Try a recipe for a classic cocktail until I run through all 774 of them, and perhaps a chillaxing tune to accompany it. Do you and your friends a favor. Turn off G-Unit and host a cocktail party. Your eyes will be opened and so may something else. Classic cocktail parties are great aphrodisiacs.

Tonight's Featured Cocktail: The Bullshot

Serve: Cold in a highball glass

Smash Factor: Low

Origin: USA, 1920s

Ingredients

• 3/10 Vodka
• Powder Celery Salt
• Powder Pepper
• 2 Drops Tobasco
• 2 Drops Worcester Sauce
• 1/10 Lemon Juice
• 6/10 Consomme

Shake all ingredients and serve over ice. If you're not shaking one of your partner's body parts after one of these, you need a defibrillator. See you next week at the Swizzle Stick, unless you're an alcoholic or you haven't subscribed yet. In that case, don't come back.