I Want a Black Chick's Onion


No matter what I do at the gym, I cannot upgrade my ass from its current hatchback model. That's how I see it. It's got that slope to it like a mid 1980s hatchback. I'm sick of lunging till my thighs feel like blazing infernos under my skin. My glutes still quiver an hour later and the weird shifts I make in my desk chair to pressure them into stillness is giving a few coworkers concern, I think.

I guess I just don't have the genes for a bubblicious onion. I really admire black girl ass. Can I get a woot woot? Come on, you know you're envious. There's nothing sexier than a curvy butt, big mambas have nothing on it. Big racks are everywhere. They are so 1990s and more girls buy them everyday. But how often do you see a righteous backdoor?

A nice booty cradled in jeans is delicious. It adds instant sensuality to any look. You could wear flooded cords, Wallabees and a yellow sweatshirt. If you're pulling a loaded caboose, you can easily rock that outfit.

Well, before my hatchback and I go sulk for a while, let me clarify I'm not yearning for a badonkadonk. Too much of a good thing is never wise. I'm just saying, black girls, don't take your onions for granted. You're the envy of hatchbacks everywhere, including this one.

Extra Diva Details: Continue your onion envy by listening to these ass tribute songs. I think Sir Mix-a-lot summed it up nicely. Try shaking your flat bump to that song. No, seriously, try it:

2 Snap and Comment:

Drowsey Monkey said...

LOL ... I'm sure that's politically incorrect but I have just one word. Beyonce. Oh yeah.

Vienne said...

Hi Drowsey, that's an astronomically fierce onion you reference there. I can dream, can't I?

And yes, an alarm goes off if someone tries to bring PC in here. That's for the real world, not my blog, dammit.

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