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Life can teach you a spoonful if you let it. I like to keep my eyes and ears open for such lessons. I'll be the first one to learn from someone's mistake, or at least laugh at it. Let's have a look at the first honorable mentions in my "Life Lessons" feature. Each lesson is followed by whom to thank for it. 
- Playing Mr. Potato Head with your face is dangerous. Michael Jackson
- Love really is blind! Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Rhonson
- Flat irons are for girls' hair only. Seriously. Larry Birkhead and Billy Ray Cyrus
- Good things don't always come in small packages. Vern Troyer's sex tape.
- Never say never. "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse.
- If your balls are big enough, you can rock any hairstyle. Donald Trump's apricot swirl.
- Father doesn't always know best. Josef Fritzl the Austrian perv.
- The Monopoly 'get out of jail free' card works on sheriffs, but not judges. Paris Hilton
- Sometimes clowning for the camera can make you look like a big butchy dyke. Rosie O'Donnell. Oh, wait.
- Even couture shoe designers have a sense of humor. Mary-Kate Olsen in bad shoes, and worse shoes.
- Sometimes fondling an old man is a good idea. You could even build a big career on it. Kelly Ripa is a Regis barnacle.
- Swallow your pride and kiss the rich relative's ass. Leona Helmsley chose dog over grandkids.
- Always carry disinfectant wipes in your purse. Scented ones are best. Britney Spears
- Talking like an Oompa Loompa doesn't win you any friends. Heather Mills
- Sometimes medication is the only option. Bill O'Reilly freaking on TV. Other times, it's so not. Anna Nicole's clown tape.
- Marriage is not always bliss. Warren Jeffs
- The Boogey Man is real. John Mark Karr
- Loving yourself is good, but too much of a good thing is bad. Kanye West as Jesus.
- Social media sites are drugs. You may also need electronic restraining orders. Scott Wolfe sues Facebook for addiction, Twitter Blacklist.
- Question authority. G.W. Bush
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