Victoria's Secret Thong Lawsuit: Thongs Behaving Badly Part II

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The thong assault lawsuit filed this week puts Victoria's Secret right in front of a whole new level of the creative lawsuit floodgates! I've put some thought into the circumstances of Marcrida Patterson's case and have some predictions beyond my original thong article. It's time for "Thongs Behaving Badly, Part II".

If this suit is settled in favor of the plaintiff, stand by. If the court finds that Victoria's Secret sold underwear with faulty design capable of personal injury, where does this abstract interpretation end? This particular thong is part of their "Sexy Little Thing" line. Some gal buys the thong with hopes of being sexy and gets no sex. What then? Does she sue Victoria's Secret for false advertising? Well, sure, because someone's always to blame for our misfortunes, right? Riiiiiighht.

Another scenario: someone, say a 52-year-old woman, wears her thong in the locker room at the gym. Mean girls laugh, they say things, mean things, like "OMG! I would die if my mom wore a thong," or "I threw up in my mouth a little bit". This hurts and angers the thong wearing woman. Should she file a lawsuit? Of course! Mental stress and psychological suffering incurred from a product marketed without warnings of such risks sounds like a slam dunk to me.

Well, maybe manufacturers should be more responsible with their product design and marketing. Someone might go blind if they used a certain shampoo incorrectly and a little bit ran down their head and into their eye. The shampoo's consistency was probably too thin and the company should be accountable for any burning, redness and whatever mental stress results. "Warning: Keep Away From Eyes" is not the same as "Warning: This Shampoo Might Run Down Your Head and Into Your Eye Even Though You Didn't Purposely Put It Into Your Eyes So Be Very Careful And Hold Your Head Back With Your Eyes Shut Tight!"

I think manufacturers of everything better follow the alcohol industries examples and put warning labels on all products that say misuse or just plain regular use may result in injury or not getting exactly what you want in life. Or maybe we as a society could simplify CYA and have every parent sign a declaration on behalf of their child when they're born that reads, "Shit happens. I will be a reasonable human being. Promise."

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