Trend Watch 2008

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I'm a real barometer when it comes to trend setting - fashion, politics, food, drink - whatever. If it's on the horizon, it's covered right here on Diva Cosmos. I was doing some research yesterday and I just can't keep these predictions from you any longer. Take a long hard look at my list, and then blink because your eyes will probably be kind of dry.

• The Newest Coffee Drink at Starbucks: Grande Obamamano
• The Newest Plastic Surgery Trend: Earlobe Botox
• The Newest Delicacy: Russian belly button lint with Shitake mushrooms and pine nuts
  The Latest Gadget: The iRag, an iPhone that doubles as a tampon case and Dove dark chocolate dispenser.
• The Latest Disease: Glitter Text Blindness
• The Newest Superhero: Is it a skunk? A rotten egg? A loaded diaper? No, it's Gas Man, fills your car's tank in 30 seconds after a fibrous meal.
• The Latest Scandal: Britney's NOT pregnant
• The Newest Realty Show: Holy Rolling with Reverend Wright
• The Latest Google Acquisition: Air
• The Newest Popular YouTube Video: The take a number machine in Brangelina's house at bath time.
• The Newest Fashion Trend: Ass crack glitter (Pimp Your Coin Slot!)
• The Most Popular Make Money Online Blog: http://www.thanksyoustupidlemmingskeepsubscribingandpayingmymortgage.com (I was going to hyperlink that but, you know, lawsuit nation!)
• The Newest Fast Food Burger: The double Jack and Tater Cheeseburger Dream - a quarter pound of beef piled high with bacon, cheddar cheese, a small baked potato and a shot of JD on top, sprinkled with a fine dust of crushed Zoloft.
• The Latest Spa Service: Organic Monkey Poop Heated Face Mask (it's imported!)
• The Latest Thing Outlawed as Religiously Offensive to Non-Christians: Crossing your fingers (analysts predict a lot more bad luck).
• The Newest Self Help Best Seller: "If You're Not Dead, You Can Be Happy!"
• The Latest Financial Trend: Vigilante justice for unscrupulous subprime lenders. Thousands are snatched off the street, only to return to their estates with "Greedy Fucker" tattooed on their foreheads and their bungholes stapled shut. (More after the break!)